There seems to be (at least) two different versions of Self:
There is the shell you develop over time, which is this combination of you as others perceive you, the you that others would prefer you to be, various idealized forms pushed on you by the media/entertainment/advertising complex, and etc.
You might not even be fully conscious of your true self. You might “project” that true self onto chosen (and/or idealized) partners until you finally realize who you really are. And you may not realize who you really are for like decades. Some even spend their entire lives without knowing.
Now, once you realize who you really are, you may take steps outwardly into the world to adjust your material/temporal/physical Self to “match up.” Or you may not feel the need to do that. Or you may do any sort of combination of things.
Sometimes, if you are lucky, you will meet people in life who will see you exactly as you are as your true Self—regardless of how you may present yourself in the material/temporal/physical. And these people might be family, or friends, or lovers, or whatever. And these people are actually kind of looking at your soul.
And then the way they have looked at you sort of “informs” your continuing understanding of Self; and there might even be somewhat of a “loop” that forms between both parties, continuing to help the other evolve.